Are You Struggling With Fear? Find Out The 10 Steps And Be Free Once And For All.
Entrepreneurship is fraught with uncertainty and risk. Fear is a big inhibitor and can stop us from taking action. Even if we know we are afraid, it is hard to overcome it, especially on our own. In fact on our own, it is virtually impossible. Being stopped by fear is something all of us, as humans face.
Years can pass by and the thing we say we want, or the the business or life we dream of, is no closer to becoming real, because year after year we let the fears control our behaviour.
What are some fears?
Fear of failure is a big one.
Fear of humiliation.
Fear of spending money.
Fear of losing money.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of being shunned.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of disappointment.
Fear of risk.
Fear of change.
Fear of uncertainty and the unknown.
Fear of what other people think.
Theses feelings that we are afraid of are real for us. We may have once felt them, and promised ourselves we would never put ourselves in that situation again.
The fears that dominate us which are different from person to person, are very much linked to our beliefs about ourselves that underpin our actions and our lives.
A lot of these beliefs are limiting but we hold onto them for dear life to protect ourselves from the fear.
The 10 steps to overcoming our fears.
Step 1
Work on your mindset. You have to be ready and have a burning desire to overcome the fears that are holding you back. How do you know you are being limited by fear? Some clues could be:
Procrastinating around an activity or goal.
You many have goals that you never manage to achieve even though you take action on them.
You may be single but don’t do anything about going on a date.
You may have failed in the past and are afraid to try again and you feel stuck.
You need inner resolve to the point where you say to yourself I am now willing to do whatever it takes and nothing is going to stop me this time. If you are not at this point in your life, it is going to be very difficult. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
Step 2
Identify the fear. Even this can be very hard. Over the last few weeks one of my coaching clients had an exercise as homework which was to watch the Tim Ferriss Ted talk on Fear Setting and then to do the exercise. He watched the video which went for 13 minutes, but did not do the exercise straight away. How come? Because it took a bit of digging to work out what was the real fear. Once we identified this, it was a lot easier and he reported that it was a very valuable exercise. (See link at the end of the article).
Step 3
Do the Fear Setting exercise. This not only gets the fear down on paper but part of the exercise is that you come up with a plan, if the thing you are afraid of, does happen. The "if X happens, what you would do, scenario”, becomes a mapped out plan of action. Very helpful for controlling the monkey mind. Our mind believes our thoughts are real, even when they are not. (See link at the end of the article).
Step 4
Practising to take the action regardless, in the face of feeling the fear. We are conditioned to run away from feeling certain emotions such as fear, but in this step the training is to get comfortable with the uncomfortable, whilst doing the thing we are afraid of. For example, I am afraid of being seen and putting myself out there. If truth be known I am more comfortable in the shadow of other successful people. This comes from my past where my father was violent and we lived in a home with a lot of uncertainty. I learned that to stay safe I could hide in the shadows and become invisible. So for most of my life I have avoided the limelight. How this translates in my business is that it impacts my actions around marketing, doing FB lives, connecting with influencers, starting a podcast, getting speaking gigs and generally promoting myself. A lot of shame comes up for me. (Hence why I have a marketing coach.) This is also linked with some other limiting beliefs about myself which I am working through. I go in and out of taking action and then retreating. Forming habits and then dropping them. When I started my FB group my marketing coach told me to do a FB live, I was very nervous, almost shaking, but I did it anyway. This is a work in progress.
Step 5
Get some accountability. There are many ways to do this. For example, get a coach, join a FB group and publicly declare your intentions, ask someone you trust to hold you accountable. Accountability is all about someone following you up, on what you agreed to take action on. It needs to be someone reliable, who practises conscious communication, that is aware of your intentions and goals and someone positive that believes in you. It helps if people know your background story, which means you have to share yourself and your fears, so that you can reach out for support to overcome this.
Step 6
Watch motivational videos and or read inspiring books. Invest in your motivational and inspirational education. The more we know about other people and their struggles the more compassion we can not only have for them, but for ourselves as well. It takes something to do the things that are hard. It takes something to feel the fear and do it anyway. For example, to speak in front of people when we are shaking on the inside, when we are sweating and feeling like we want to dig a hole and jump in head first. So we need to constantly be learning from other successful people that have overcome the same things we are grappling with. Spend time each week watching and reading. Type keywords into YouTube such as overcoming fear, overcoming adversity, for example.
Step 8
Keep going. When I was in my mid twenties with a one year old, I wanted to help out my now ex- husband in his business. He was working inside of the first web hosting company in Australia (Web Central) back in 1996, and they were giving him leads for his web design business. I was given the job of doing the telemarketing and making the initial call to the lead. I was so shy and felt so awkward making the calls and so ashamed, that it was almost debilitating. I was so out of my comfort zone. That was the start of my business implementation experience. I have made many a phone call since then, and done a lot of successful telemarketing and lead generation. I have learnt all of my skills through practical implementation. The trick is not to stop, until eventually it become second nature. Think back to the very first time you got behind a wheel and started the ignition. The journey is no different. The fear will not go away overnight. It can take many many years.
Step 9
Do something that is out of your comfort zone every week or at the very least on a regular basis. This is to practise feeling one of the above emotions that we are commonly afraid of and habitually avoid. Here is the list of common fears and some ideas that you could implement in order to start overcoming them.
Fear of:
Failure - do something you know you are crap at or share one of your failures or mistakes that you are ashamed about
Humiliation - think of a situation that you think might make you feel humiliated but that you really want to do or try, or that you don’t think you are good enough for. For example public speaking, or going to an event on your own, and make yourself reach out and connect with strangers. Try a sport you have never done.
Spending money - give some money away or buy something that you normally wouldn’t.
Losing money - take baby steps, it could be using your equity to buy an investment property - this is my fear right now.
Being alone - go somewhere on your own. Go on a holiday or out to dinner, or to an event and make yourself reach out and connect with strangers.
Being shunned - speak out on a topic you feel strongly about, but avoid expressing, because you know it will upset some people that you love or respect and could compromise your sense of belonging.
Rejection - ask someone you admire, out for lunch or coffee. Make the sales calls you are putting off.
Disappointment - keep going even if you failed the first time. Speak about this to someone. Heal the old wounds. Go for counselling or therapy. Don’t let the past repeatedly stop you.
What other people think - wear something weird out, ask a question at an event if you normally hide out at the back.
Risk - this is different from person to person. For me something risky is writing my book and owning my story, as I am afraid of being seen and upsetting my family. Try an extreme sport.
Change - Try a new restaurant or new food that you have never eaten.
Uncertainty and the unknown - deliberately allow yourself to get lost on the way somewhere. Go to a city you have never been before. Invite people you don’t know for dinner.
We need a huge list of ideas, please add any ideas you can think of, to this list, so we can help each other practise the “letting go of fear” muscle.
Step 10
Celebrate, and look how far you have come. Once you implement even some or all of the above 9 steps, you deserve a reward, and a pat on the back. Go you!!
Fear is the biggest thief of the life of our dreams. So what if we stuff up in the pursuit of attaining it. It will be more than worth it. Living on the court is far more empowering and inspiring then living on the sidelines, feeling jealous, clinging for dear life, staying put and feeling stagnant. Not taking action is equivalent to death, even though our mind tricks us into believing it is the other way around.
If you are ready. If now is your time to finally, once and for all, make the leap, then please reach out, and we can do this together. I would love to coach you through any fears that are holding you back in business and life, so you can get to the other side and live inside of your contribution, fulfillment and joy. (PM me or call me on +61 0414 707751)
Giving in to fear is no way to live!
Here is the link the Ted talk by Tim Ferriss, video: https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_ferriss_why_you_should_define_your_fears_instead_of_your_goals?language=en
Here is the link to the exercise: https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/
Join my group on FB: http://bit.ly/2pLKyL3
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